This blog post is weighing heavy on me. Why? Probably because I know that it will step on some toes, but when God convicts me of something, I like to share it. Now, don’t read me wrong, I’m not saying just because God is teaching me, that maybe He will prick your heart, too…but I believe that we can learn from each other. I see a lot of “self love” happening in the world and I find myself having to consciously tell myself, “my life is not about me”, because it’s so easy to get caught up in ourselves.
As you continue to read, don’t think I am crazy…well, if you read this blog, you probably already do, but that’s another topic for another day ðĪŠð. Writing helps me and when my thoughts are on paper (or a computer screen) I can go back to see how I have grown. This is sort of my journal at times, which is good for me, but maybe not for you if you are following along. Okay, where was I?
Oh yeah…
I was watching an Instagram story yesterday of a lady that shares clothing, her home and endorses products for different companies as a way to support her family…not sure how I found her, but I did and I was intrigued…maybe I follow her, I dunno. Well, she was talking about the conviction of taking a break from all her Instagram pictures and stories because she felt like it wasn’t the direction God wanted for her life. She said she felt like she was asking people to buy things and sharing out of what felt like necessity…her family, products, staged photos of her home and other things. She has been taking a “break” since September and I caught her “comeback” video explaining this decision. She said she has been really struggling on what to do and how the direction of her page will go in the future. As I was listening, I cried with her, because I have been struggling with this area of my life…especially when it comes to my business. I feel like to stay competitive and keep up with other businesses like mine, I needed to be doing Facebook live videos, Instagram stories and sharing my life more. I know it sounds silly, but it’s like I want to be that person…but that’s not who I am. I really try to remove “Me” from the equation and insert God in most instances…and I feel like sitting in front of my phone recording videos is not removing “Me”.
On Sunday morning, one of the pastor’s scripture references came from 2 Timothy 3:1-5.
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”
Yup. Insert my toe stompin’ and revelation…
I felt like God was speaking to my heart in this area that I struggle with (almost daily), because I am the face of my business and I want to be successful. I know it seems silly, but when you are self-employed, if you don’t work, you don’t make money. There is no vacation pay. I don’t worry about money, per se, but I do worry about the sustainment of my business over time and keeping things fresh, new and getting people in the door. However, as I have really thought about it since writing the verses down on Sunday morning…I feel like God said to me:
“Don’t fall into the trap of being a celebrity in your own world. I will make sure you can do what you love and bless your business as long as you remember where the blessing originated. It didn’t start with you, Ashlee. It started with Me. A daily Facebook video or Instagram story isn’t going to grow your business or sustain it…I will take care of it and you. Don’t put the focus on self, put it on Me. Dont focus on the extra money you could make, shift your focus to how you can bless others with what you have been given and you will never be broke! Don’t get proud. Don’t think that you are the best and get caught up boasting about what you are doing, but keep being “you” and give Me the glory for how far you have come. Just as it didn’t start with you, it doesn’t end with you either. When I am ready for you to change directions…you will know. Keep pressing forward and don’t deny the power of God to anyone…in doing so, instead of people turning away, they will flock to you, because they see Me. This world craves love, and I am the originator of love. Don’t focus on anything but giving people the best of you each day and I will take care of the rest. Don’t worry about success…you are blessed.”
We are called to be different from this world. Now, let me reiterate…if you do live videos on social media or have a bunch of selfies on your profile, I am not saying you are doomed to hell or anything remotely close. I just feel like we get so caught up in trying to be everything to everyone else that we forget who is The Source of everything! We spend so much time talking about ourselves and everything else, then God gets the leftover time in our day/week. I really felt like God gave me direction on why it’s not for me and to stop feeling pressured to do something that I don’t feel comfortable doing just to “keep up”. If you have struggled with dying to yourself and the love of this world, just remember that it’s who we are…we are born loving ourselves. As a child of God, we must enthrone Him…when doing so, “self” is dethroned and the other characteristics Timothy mentioned at the beginning of Chapter 3 cannot be initiated. Those traits have the opportunity to grow when we cultivate a spirit of self, but wither and die when we are sowing the Spirit of the Lord! God doesn’t want you to keep up, but keep pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of Jesus Christ! (Phil 3:14)