I’ve been feeling a little uninspired this week. I would read my Bible, read my little devotion and then I would sit on the couch thinking about what God wanted me to take from His Word. Not really trying to listen to Him…just thinking. I know there is always something you can take from the scriptures, but over the last few days I’ve had nothing. I need to write almost as much as I need to paint…but I knew I hadn’t talked to God very much, so I was relying on myself way too much. My heart was in the right place, but my head wasn’t. I was discouraged.
This morning, I decided to get up early…partially because I took a muscle relaxer before bed because of my awful neck pain. The side effect…good sleep, but I am wide awake hours before I need to be. I decided to hop in the shower and I was kinda talking to God in my mind about my uninspired self and He said, “Why you always gotta follow a devotion, Ashlee? “Look for inspiration in life.” Okay, Okay…I hear you.
Well, it’s obvious I have been so excited over Tanner playing football (I’ve over-posted on social media and have three times as many pictures on my phone). He is my artsy, musically-inclined kid. Not my sports kid. His position coach came over to my car earlier this week when I picked him up from practice and bragged on how great he was doing. He said, “Once I got him to pay attention, he’s doing great!” As we were pulling off, I am tearing up a little and Tanner says, “Really Mama, you going to cry?” I explained to him I was just so proud of him and then I dried my happy tears and we talked about something less emotional, like how stinky and sweaty his shirt got during practice. I knew it probably would be a good idea to replace the car air fresheners soon with this whole football thing in full effect.
I promise I’m getting to the God moment.
Last night, he has his first game that he was dressed in full pads, and ready to go on the field if the opportunity presented itself. He was so excited. I watched him warming up, catching passes from the coach and when a teammate got hurt, he was there patting them on the back for encouragement. He was pacing the sidelines in between plays. He had memorized his plays and he was eager.
He didn’t get to play.
When I picked him up, I had this whole long speech about how I knew he would get to play eventually and not to be down…How great he looked all dressed out in his protective gear. Blah, blah, blah. The typical mom stuff. (I knew he probably wouldn’t get to play, but I wanted to be positive for him)
To my surprise, he WASN’T discouraged.
Honestly, I think he was just so excited to be a part of something bigger.
Boom! This is where football and my faith collided as I washed behind my ears.
As a child of God, we should be excited to be part of something bigger than ourselves…unlike me, who was so discouraged because I felt like I had put in the work by reading my Bible, but I was being overlooked when in came to inspiration from God in putting words to a page. I was eager to serve God. I was pacing the sidelines and ready to write. I was beating myself up because I hadn’t been in the game…I was just on the sidelines. Sometimes we aren’t called off the sidelines. We are to stay there to cheer on God’s work in prayer and encouragement of others. Maybe God needed to use me differently this week and I don’t know yet exactly how…maybe it was an encouraging comment on a fb post or a text message to a friend that was having a rough day. I was so busy being in my own head that I missed or didn’t recognize the opportunity for God to use me in a different capacity.
I was humbled a little bit this morning as the hot water hit my face. God used my skinny, smart-mouth seventh grader to remind me that as long as I am eager to serve the Lord, He will always use me…when HE is ready for me to play. Sometimes, God likes to call an audible. He likes to make sure we are paying attention to Him and listening for His voice…not just when we are reading His Word or talking to Him in prayer, but in the sidelines of life. That’s where God gets the glory. I’ve found the sideline joy is often times so much better than scoring one of those spiritual touchdowns, where I want the glory. I didn’t feel like I was in the game much this week, but God knew even on the sidelines, my heart was in the game when my head wasn’t. I’m gonna use those times a little more wisely now…there’s always opportunity on God’s team.
*I probably should have warned you about the long post. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t write for a week.
