Have you ever woke up with a heavy heart and didn’t exactly know why?
That was me this morning about 3:30 am. Honestly, yesterday I was kinda in a funk. Maybe it’s because I thrive off routine and we were at home all day. I missed being with my church family…this virtual stuff just isn’t the same. I spent time doing things around the house and spent a while just sitting on my front porch in the silence. It was a good day, just different. My spirit felt a little unsettled, I guess. I think I have focused a lot on my on happiness here recently and even though I know it’s not about me and God is so much more concerned with my holiness over my happiness. But, being real…we want happiness, right? Unfortunately, this world isn’t full of happiness right now. They are looking for happiness in stockpiles of food, toiletries and everything except the joy that comes from the Lord and knowing Him.
Now, back to that heavy heart of mine. I woke up just honestly wanting to cry and just wanting some comfort. So, I got up and seen the husband off to work and grabbed my Bible. I always say to God, “give me what I need to hear and what will help someone else, today.” But today, it was…”Lord, help me.” My heart was just flooded with an unspeakable heaviness and as I opened my Bible, it went straight to Amos.
Amos.
Now, I have read Amos before and I am thinking (with my flesh) how God punishing these nations is not very much help to me…but He spoke to me the more I kept reading. As I got to Chapter 3 in verse 10, the prophet Amos says, “the people are incapable of doing right.”
Now, I was also reading some notes I had written about refining around the edges. My own words of “some refining is tougher than others. But, you can’t move forward for God without it.” Yep.
In the first three Chapters, The Lord is explaining through Amos His punishment of six different pagan nations. He even makes mention of one nation “ripping open the pregnant belly” of another. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing the reflection of our world. The self-indulgence of these nations would bring their demise. The Lord has revealed himself so many times to us, just as He did with these nations. My heart is so burdened for this world. My eyes fill with tears thinking of how this world seems to be incapable of doing right. If this world doesn’t break your heart…you need to check your heart.
I needed some refining this morning. I needed to be reminded that as God is moving me forward in this journey of total dependence and faith in Him, I must get myself out of the way. It’s not about if I am happy in the moment, but that I strive for a life of holiness. I’ve allowed things beyond my control to keep me from being happy and have expected too much from myself and other people. I’ve focused a lot recently (even before coronavirus) on how I have been affected by those around me and not how I can be effective for God in this world. In reading through Amos this morning, He reminded me that if I will focus on Him and not so much on the wrongs that I feel have been to me, He will take care of the injustice in the world and against His people. Maybe you need refining like me…and to refocus your lens on what matters most…living for Him.
Maybe this doesn’t help anyone but me this morning…but as I finish writing to meditate on His goodness and pray, I feel better. Always seek Him, instead of self. God is so good, y’all.
Refining is tough. But, the outcome is a stronger more beautiful you…capable of great and mighty things in Jesus’ name.
I am sharing this that we say in our ‘by faith’ class each time we meet. I am so thankful for our leaders that encourage us to walk by faith and pour into us each week. I’m sharing it here, because I believe someone needs to read it aloud and proclaim it over their life today.
“I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. In all my ways I acknowledge Him and He makes my way straight before me. I stagger not at the promises of God through unbelief, but I am strong in faith giving glory to God, and I am fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is well able to perform in my life. I will not grow weary in well-doing, because in due season, I shall reap when I faint not.” Amen.
