Ever had one of those days when you just cry?
Well, yesterday was my day. The devil was riding piggyback all weekend long and yesterday was my breaking point, but I got to tell you how God works.
Yesterday morning, we couldn’t seem to get it together, so we ended up missing Sunday School, but we made it to worship service. I ended up having to work on Sunday, which didn’t seem to help my frustration I was already having with the devil. You see, I believe that when the devil is up to something, God is up to something even greater. When I got back from the studio, i was in tears and I just had to go in the bathroom, close the lid of the toilet, plop down qand cry it out. You know how it is…maybe? The devil has used my past regrets and failures against me all weekend. Kevin came in the bathroom and crouched down beside me. He wanted to help me as I dealt with the regrets and heartache over past failures in my life. God already knows (cause I’ve given them to God and then taken them back on more than on occasion) and so does Kevin, but the devil likes to throw them in my face. We sat in the bathroom with him ministering to me, loving on me and just helping me to see that God has forgiven me a long time ago and I needed to forgive myself. You see, the devil likes to prey on us when we are weak…when we have worked too much and we are physically tired, our spirit is susceptible to attacks from Satan. Before we knew it, it was time for us to get ready to go back to church. I mentioned this to him and he said, “Why don’t we just stay home? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go, he seen that I needed rest. I said, “Let’s go to church….I need it, the boys need it and then we can come home and spend some time together.”
Y’all…
We get to church and the message was titled, “Disconnecting from Past Regrets.” Oh dear, Jesus. Here goes my tears again. Long story short (well, its already gotten long, but you know what I mean). This message was for me! As the altar call came, I couldn’t quit crying. As I stood there, it was like, I was saying to myself…”I got to get down there”, but I just stood there holding Kevin’s hand. Before I knew it, he was pulling me to the altar. He already knew I needed to be there. Gah lay, I love this man. He knew that I needed to fully lay those regrets at the altar and get up and walk away from them once and for all. Honestly, I haven’t been to an altar in over two years because I haven’t felt comfortable enough…insecurities, I guess. Sometimes just standing in the pews isn’t enough. Last night was one of those nights, where the pew wasn’t gonna do….I needed to lay it at the feet of Jesus for good.
I don’t know why, but I felt so compelled to write this down. Maybe just for me, because it helps me to write…but maybe it’s for someone else in “Facebookland” that is living with regrets that the devil enjoys throwing in your face. Let them go. Give them to God. It’s so hard to connect to God and live in the present when you are still connected to past regrets. God wants to live in today. Yesterday is gone, today is here and tomorrow may never come. Live in the now and do everything you can to be better than the person you were yesterday. God’s will is in the present, not the past. Of course, we all have a past, but we don’t have to drag it around with us. Sometimes we need a good cry, but then there are other times when we need a reminder that the grace of God has already fallen over those regrets and the devil isn’t allowed to use them against us anymore.
Disconnecting from past regrets to connect closer to my Jesus….that’s worth shedding some happy tears!
Hebrews 4:16
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
